17 July 2006

Okay, I Am Defined/Chronology of the BJ Wars (aka The Hummer Wars)

Pinko Feminist Hellcat did it for me today in a quote she placed in her post:

the "woman who has sex for pleasure is a slut."
Thanks. Now I know. I don't have sex with men for money to feed my children or keep a roof over my head. I don't have sex with men because I love them or respect them or want to marry them. I like sex with men and have had sex with men primarily for my pleasure, making me a slut. I like sex with women, too...more than sex with men, actually. But women are a little more complicated for me. That's another post.

Phew! "Slut." Thank God that issue's settled. Next issue?

Seriously, there's been a lot of talk about this recently in the feminist world I've newly discovered online. Let's see if I can remember some of the things I've read about this over the past days and weeks... Was it really a month ago that Twisty Faster, the fabulous Spinster Aunt (a favorite euphemism, I might add) of I Blame the Patriarchy, posted about blowjobs on her blog? Seems like just yesterday. I couldn't remember the original post but was able to find it here, thanks to Jill at Feministe, along with the comments.

I feel so overwhelmed listening to these feminists (mostly women) discussing
first, second and third wave feminists. "Andrea Dworkin" sounds vaguely familiar. Gloria Steinem is a name I know...and Betty Friedan. As I've said elsewhere, I had two helpings of mid-60's, pretty much skipped the 70's (and much of the feminist movement) and jumped right into 80's soccer motherhood. I took no Women's Studies classes in college. I haven't even read a really good book on feminism except The Women's History of the World, by Rosalind Miles.

Let's see who all got involved in the fray...

Amanda at Pandagon asked for opinions and got 'em.

It was opined on Fetch me my axe, and commented on liberally and with intelligence.

Next one I read (I think) was Bitch | Lab's response to Jill's post at Feministe. This is when I started reading B | L with regularity although she uses big, feminist terms and names that scare me a bit. : )

BitchPhD got involved in it the following week. Hilarious! I hope the guys took her advice and didn't read further. There is a humongous comment thread, (Huge is good, right?) which I didn't read all the way through.

Then she allowed the guys a turn. Again, I spent a little time in comments but didn't even get through the entire 94. (The women had 214, but this is a blog largely about feminism and who's keeping score, anyway?)

Next up, the lesbians had their say. I'm going to bookmark that to read the whole comment thread. : ) (55 comments, not a bad showing for 10% of the female population but, then, it is a feminist woman's blog and, well, you know those crazy lesbians.)

Finally, the participants were invited to all come together and, boy, they sure seemed to. Have to bookmark that one, too, for the 239 comments and the link to Exhibitionism for the Shy. It's not easy being a rather shy woman with exhibitionist tendencies!

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to really have a look at Dr. Bitch.

It took the better part of the intervening month for the mainstream media to get involved, which they have. I got back on the treadmill over the weekend, having been brought to my attention again by Bitch | Lab. Seems many have opined on the BJ Wars...the NYT chimed in with the Taming of the Slur, the changing meaning of the word "slut." The fans were flamed by Rachel Kramer Bussel's column in the Village Voice on Fucking and Feminism. I loved it. Others didn't. Or perhaps they just misunderstood.

Amber's got something to say about it now as does Pinko Feminist Hellcat.

Is it always like this in the feminist blogosphere???

Damn shame of it is, I enjoy reading all these women (and a couple of men / men...unless "Bryan" is pronounced differently than I think it is) on feminist subjects. They all have something positive to say. I just wish it could be said without all the vitriol.

I guess I know where I stand in the feminist sex wars. I'm a Feminist Slut Extraordinaire, and damned proud of it. (I'm up to using fingers on both hands now in the numbers category so I know I'm a slut.) I still don't enjoy BJ's (sorry, guys) but I love cunnilingus! ; )


Technorati tags: bitchy / cunnilingus / cunt-positive / fellatio / feminism / lesbian / life / men / sex / sexuality / sex-positive / sexual orientation / women


At July 19, 2006 2:44 PM, Blogger Hedonistic Pleasure Seeker said...

Ahhhh, "the money shot heard around the world." Nice wrapup.

At July 20, 2006 12:02 AM, Blogger Cheryl said...

It's like the Energizer Bunny...it keeps going and going....

At July 20, 2006 11:40 AM, Blogger belledame222 said...

the Energizer Rabbit Pearl should only last so long.

i wonder if it'd be terribly wrong if from now on my sole response to any anti-slut sentiment is "Blow me."

At July 21, 2006 12:42 AM, Blogger Cheryl said...

Who cares if it would be right or wrong? It would sure be fitting. Perhaps the only thing more appropriate would be, "Let me blow you."

At July 22, 2006 12:30 PM, Blogger figleaf said...

"I'm a Feminist Slut Extraordinaire, and damned proud of it. ... I still don't enjoy BJ's..."

Perfect way to end a great wrap-up, Cheryl.

I think we're both right around the same age so I totally recognize your perspective.

As for cunnilingus vs. fellatio, at least when I was growing up the former wasn't optional for any right-thinking person while the latter was simply out of the question since it was generally agreed that only street prostitutes and their clients stooped so low.

Great post.


At July 22, 2006 2:45 PM, Blogger Cheryl said...

Well, I guess I was fortunate in that I received virtually no sexuality or sexual morality education from the parents so I got mine on my own from books. Thank God I chose the right books!

I've never considered anything consensual between adults to be inherently taboo and take a fairly laissez-faire attitude about what others do in bed. BJ's and facials have just never appealed to me. Once I discovered cunnilingus, however...

Thanks for the comment. I very much enjoyed your site, too!


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