03 August 2006

Heat Wave versus Depression

Well, I didn't manage to muster the energy to brave the (still, at 9 PM) 97-degree heat to head down to the shore. I actually had to break down and take a half a Xanax tonight. I've recently been trying to avoid substances. I realized yesterday that I'm now working a five-day stretch starting Saturday (all twelves) and don't even know if I have the energy to try and arrange a switch. To top it all off, my therpist is on vacation this week.

I've been putting all of this off to the grizzly heat but I'm beginning to think it's more related to depression. The heat has just exacerbated things. For the past couple of months, I've had very little interest in things I've really enjoyed until recently (i.e. my garden, kayaking, reading), have a shitty appetite, have to force myself to eat (that has mainly been a problem with the advent of the heat,though). I'm not even watching tv very much any more. All I do is listen to NPR and play/read/whine on the internet. It's been fun, folks, but I think I seriously need to get more of a life. There's an interesting Congressional race in my district and I might have to go volunteer or something.

Not that your company isn't pleasant, but it's not real. I hope bloggers don't get offended by that. I don't know how some people manage it, seemingly maintaining a life outside the blogosphere yet somehow getting up two, three, four posts; often detailed, passionate and well-researched. I don't have time to keep up with all the folks I find interesting out there let alone craft well-written and thoughtful pieces of political or feminist discourse. Maybe I should learn to touch-type, hmm?

I think I may need another boost. I think it might be time to get in touch with my family doc and see about starting back on Wellbutrin or another anti-depressant. I obviously need something to help lift me out of the ennui that has become my life.

Any words of wisdom or advice from others that have managed to navigate through life's rough patches would be most welcome. I know this is just a bump in the road but it feels like the biggest one I've come across yet.

Just don't tell me to get a life...I already know I need to do that!

Technorati tags: bitchy / depression / growing up / life

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