24 September 2006

New Slump

Well, it's happened again. Another slump is upon me.

My cervical mucus tells me I'm not quite midway through my cycle. Gotta keep track of these things now that we're counting down. I'm also curious to see if my slumps occur in a cyclical manner. Consider it a science experiment.

I haven't felt much like writing or even reading others' words. I blew off kayaking today and vegged in front of the tv all afternoon, mostly nodding off. Now the Lunesta's kicking in. I had been trying to cut back but feel I've slept so poorly in the last week I need to go to sleep and stay asleep for a good while so I took two.

I've screwed things up in my life recently...hopefully nothing major or irreversible...and don't know why. I feel as if I'm punishing myself but don't know why. I think I need to call my therapist for an appointment next week, if she's got anything. I wonder if I need to start back on the Wellbutrin or up the Lexapro. I'm becoming dependent on pills but I need something to smooth the way for a bit. It sometimes feels as if the path is tilted against me. I feel as if I am sinking donward. I feel as if my life has never been this low.

Needless to say, this explains my recent abscence, both from my blogs and others'. No offense.

No freaking out, either...I'm smart enough to recognize when I need immediate help and I have no plans of doing anything stupid. There are now two hospitals in my immediate surroundings to which I cannot go if there's any possibility I might have to get, or be made, naked.

Time to let the chemicals take over. Hopefully, I'll be able to post something tomorrow.

tags: depression / life / pharmaceuticals


At September 24, 2006 12:50 PM, Blogger Jean said...

I'm smart enough to recognize when I need immediate help.

That's a goodly part of the battle right there, and one I'm glad I got a hold on pretty early, though I should be a lot more conscientious about it. Therapists have always helped, I know I've been pretty lucky and have had some really good ones. I wish I had some sage wisdom to impart, but all I can say is that I know the feeling all too well, so I'm pulling for you.

At September 24, 2006 3:40 PM, Blogger Cheryl said...

Oh yeah...if I start feeling like taking the whole bottle of pills at once, I'll go to a crisis center first. It's not that acute, just the cumulative effect of years and years of sub-acute depression catching up and I haven't yet developed the skills I need to fight my way out of it.

I'll be seeing my therapist on Wednesday morning and will probably call to see if I can get in to my GP this week as well. It's probably time for blood work and maybe we should talk about upping the meds, I don't know.

I even blew off going to Mom's to see the Eagles game this afternoon because I simply have no energy, though it feels like more an emotional than a physical thing.

This, too, shall pass. I'll come out the other end eventually. I just wish it didn't seem as if every time I hit a slump it's deeper than the time before.

Thanks for the support, Jean!


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