Well, it's happened again. Another slump is upon me.
My cervical mucus tells me I'm not quite midway through my cycle. Gotta keep track of these things now that we're counting down. I'm also curious to see if my slumps occur in a cyclical manner. Consider it a science experiment.
I haven't felt much like writing or even reading others' words. I blew off kayaking today and vegged in front of the tv all afternoon, mostly nodding off. Now the Lunesta's kicking in. I had been trying to cut back but feel I've slept so poorly in the last week I need to go to sleep and stay asleep for a good while so I took two.
I've screwed things up in my life recently...hopefully nothing major or irreversible...and don't know why. I feel as if I'm punishing myself but don't know why. I think I need to call my therapist for an appointment next week, if she's got anything. I wonder if I need to start back on the Wellbutrin or up the Lexapro. I'm becoming dependent on pills but I need something to smooth the way for a bit. It sometimes feels as if the path is tilted against me. I feel as if I am sinking donward. I feel as if my life has never been this low.
Needless to say, this explains my recent abscence, both from my blogs and others'. No offense.
No freaking out, either...I'm smart enough to recognize when I need immediate help and I have no plans of doing anything stupid. There are now two hospitals in my immediate surroundings to which I cannot go if there's any possibility I might have to get, or be made, naked.
Time to let the chemicals take over. Hopefully, I'll be able to post something tomorrow.
tags: depression / life / pharmaceuticals