24 September 2006

You Know it's Bad When I'm not Even Interested in Sex

Yep, this is a tough one, this slump.

I remember wondering, when I first started to sink into this black hole
last winter, if it wasn't partly Seasonal Affective Disorder. I sure hope not because fall is here (historically, my favorite time of year though there's been no joy in the season for me so far) and I'm so low already I hate to think of how bad I'll feel when I'm sunlight deprived on top of it. I haven't even felt like sex for almost two weeks. Highly unusual for me.

Maybe this is something I might have to consider lifelong medication for. I hadn't wanted to
think about that so far. For me, anti-depressants are something I'd always seen myself using for a finite period of time. I hadn't considered that I might need to stay on them for the long-term, like my Corgard. I'm starting to wonder, though, if I shouldn't have always been on meds and it's only the deeper inner appreciation and involvement that has brought a chemical problem to the surface, a problem that has always existed and might persist for my lifetime.

The weather matches my mood....very gloomy here in the Greater Philadalphia area this afternoon...showers off and on, possible thunderstorms or tornadoes this evening. Even my usual lighting doesn't seem to lift the veil. The living room seems so dark.

I blew off going to Jersey to watch the Eagles game with my mom this afternoon. Not that an outing such as that would be so invigorating and stimulating but at least it would have been an outing. Instead, I've chosen to further depress my few readers here, listening to A Prairie Home Companion on NPR. I will watch the Eagles' game today, alone. No wings and beer...well, I almost always have beer here if I want it, I just don't often want it lately. This is all I feel I have the energy for today.

At least I've managed a few words here and have a couple of political things I might get around to saying at NOP. It's as productive as I'm capable of being right now.

Maybe the Eagles won't completely suck this weekend and I'll be in a little better frame of mind this evening...

(Cartoon courtesy of "Li'l Adult" by Greg Fiering...click on it to read it.)

tags: depression / football / life / life sucks but it beats the alternative

4 Comments:

At September 25, 2006 7:45 PM, Blogger Yvonne said...

Oh my sweet ((((cher)))) you sound as down in the dumps as I feel. I have been considering going back to the doc to be re-assesed for going onto AD meds. I was on them years ago but they made me so much worse. I am happy that they work for you.

I hope this is just a funk you are in and that soon you will be strong? enough to leave the meds behind.

I however feel I am going to need some help to get my emotions and my mood swings under control. I just dont know where to start. Therapy is expensive, drugs make me ill or worse. I'd write a bags type dummy spit email.... but honestly cher... how?

How do I get the multitude of thoughts and feelings and unjumble them and write them out in some sort of sensible way? Yet for all I procrastinate.... I KNOW I need to get it all onto paper soon before I explode and do something hurtful or dumb.

Pfffffffffffffft.... off to go abuse a tree :) They dont talk back you know!

I love you
Yvonne

 
At September 26, 2006 12:29 AM, Blogger Cheryl said...

Awww {{{Von!}}} So sorry to hear you're blue, too. Maybe drugs will work better for you now, since they have so many new ones. Sometimes it's just a matter of finding a combination or dosage that works.

And you know you can always send a vile, nearly incomprehensible e-mail to the BAGs...we'll always listen and usually understand, even if you don't feel like you're making much sense. You need a pressure valve before you blow, Von!

As for the tree...trees are beneficial as they take in carbon dioxide and put out oxygen. I suggest abusing a man instead...they're often far less useful.

; )

(Tell Justin I'm only kidding!)

Feel better soon, {{{Von!}}}

 
At September 27, 2006 7:17 PM, Blogger Hedonistic Pleasure Seeker said...

hhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm I've been not so much in the mood, either. Could be the turning-inwardness of the season.

I say let it ebb and flow.

 
At September 28, 2006 1:07 AM, Blogger Cheryl said...

I'd love to but this one has really kicked my ass! I get some blood work done then see my PCP Monday...and my therapist wants me to talk about drugs. Lexapro alone just ain't cuttin' it right now.

It'll get better, soon, I think.

 

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