03 November 2006

If An Evangelical Falls in the Woods...

...does anyone hear? Apparently they do if the evangelical in question is pastor of a 14,000 member megachurch in the megachurch Mecca of Colorado Springs, CO.

I'm sure you've heard by now about Ted Haggard's recent woes. The Senior Pastor of the New Life Church and president of the National Association of Evangelicals was accused on Thursday by a gay man who works as a male escort in Denver of paying for sex over the past three years. The evangelist also is reported to have snorted methamphetamine prior to these sexual encounters to enhance the experience.

Here is Haggard's explanation of events, from a WaPo article:

The Rev. Ted Haggard, the Colorado minister who resigned Thursday as president of the National Association of Evangelicals, admitted yesterday that he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a male prostitute.

But Haggard told reporters outside his home in Colorado Springs that the massage was arranged by a Denver hotel and was not sexual. He also said he threw the drugs away. "I never kept it very long, because it's -- it was wrong. I was tempted. I bought it, but I never used it," he said.

Unh hunh.

And Bill Clinton smoked pot but never inhaled.

Oh, and he did not have "sexual relations" with that woman.

tags: Christianity / drug abuse / Evangelical Christianity / hypocrisy / methamphetamine / sex

4 Comments:

At November 04, 2006 10:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, it depends on what you mean by "sexual relations". Massage could be just as arbitrary as fellatio. I didn't actually hit him in the head with a frying pan, my arm was simulating the hitting motion with a frying pan when it came in contact with that man's head, the impact of which cannot be gauged.

The format of this lying technique is tried and true. Why should Gowan try to improve it?

 
At November 04, 2006 9:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gowan? Speaking of meth... I meant Haggard.

 
At November 04, 2006 10:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like, when Clinton didn't inhale, the joke was that if he'd waste good weed, he'd waste taxpayers' money. Now, I'm wondering about an analagous line here. Like, if he'd throw away meth, what would he with to your tithe? Besides get non-sexual massages, of course.

 
At November 05, 2006 12:21 AM, Blogger Cheryl said...

It all "depending" on ones definition of "sexual relations" is what Bill counted on, too. Just whose head are you desiring to take that frying pan to, anyway, Bimbo?

I was wondering who the heck Gowan was and why I care if he's using meth!

Jean, have I mentioned that I like th way you think? And we all know how rampant the practice of "non-sexual" massages are among the male prostitute population.

 

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