04 August 2006

Today's a Little Brighter

Well, I'm not quite as blue today as I was yesterday. Part of that might be because I found out this afternoon when I stopped by to try and figure out a switch for next week that I'd gotten my schedule wrong and am not scheduled to work five 12-hour shifts in a row. Thank God! That could have been the death of me.

Part of my change in attitude might be that I consciously stopped beating myself up because I didn't get to the beach for yet another week. It was too fucking hot this week for me to even
consider gathering up the beach chair, umbrella, dog, food, bowls and cooler and loading them in the car then driving over an hour to my mom's shore place. The heat has broken a bit...it's only in the mid-high 80's today...and I think that's also helped.

I had gotten a headache every day this week and found myself taking a nap on the couch every afternoon during the heat wave. Even if I didn't actually sleep, I didn't even have the energy to blog or read so I lay there, thinking cool thoughts. No sense in berating myself for not pushing my body further than it reasonably wanted to go. I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm alomst fifty, am becoming hormonally challenged and simply cannot tolerate temperatures and humidity levels in the high nineties as well as I could when I was eight or twelve.

I stayed up late last night but, as I'd decided the trip to the shore wasn't in my immediate future, I slept until I woke up and accepted that. Had a decent brunch at the diner, got the good news at work and now feel free to spend the afternoon in the way I'd like...do a (very) little cleaning, wash some clothes and linens and stay cool.

I haven't heard yet from the Clinical Educator at the "hospital around the corner" but I'm not worrying about that either. It will happen if it's meant to. If not, I may have to consider going back to the hospital in Jersey where I used to work, especially if they still have that $20,000 sign-on bonus for ER nurses. I know it might seem foolish not to jump right now at an offer like that but the commute would be at least thirty minutes and that place would also be an inner-city pressure cooker of an ER. I need a little time off from the heavy action of a major
medical center and my little, local, walk-to-work hospital seems just the ticket. We'll see. It'll happen. Quit your worrying, Cheryl.

Thanks for listening when I get whiny, assuming you're still there. Hopefully, I can come up with something funny and/or sexy to post later on this evening. Right not I'm just reveling in the fact that I could get my bird feeders filled this afternoon and do a little laundry without risking heat stroke. And the fact that I feel like doing any of that stuff at all.

Technorati tags: depression / life / whiny / work


At August 04, 2006 6:30 PM, Blogger Hedonistic Pleasure Seeker said...

It's funny. I grew up in Minnesota, so I didn't have an ocean to shape my childhood memories.

"Da Shore" seems to be in everyone's blood around here. It's so uncool not to go, apparently! But I've spent whole years not visiting "Da Shore" and never felt as though I were missing a thing.

At August 04, 2006 6:32 PM, Blogger Hedonistic Pleasure Seeker said...

Oh and one more thing: Cut yourself some slack, it's OK!!!!! Even with air conditioning, I think the weather is making most of us not want to do ANYTHING. I've been blowing off dance class all week.

At August 04, 2006 10:11 PM, Blogger Cheryl said...

Awww, hell...this got so long I think it really needs to be a post. Thanks for the kind words, HPS!

Look above for more on going "Down the Shore."

At August 13, 2006 4:54 PM, Blogger Bitch | Lab said...

i hope things get better for you. reading ahead, it seems you're still sad. but I'm glad you've got this place to dump. ir really seems to be helpful to get it out of your system. i know it made my life 200% given the holy hell i was going through at the time. still am going through it, but it's bearable!

At August 13, 2006 7:08 PM, Blogger Cheryl said...

Things are, getting better, B|L, thanks.

I just make forward progress and then stall for a bit. I was in a big stall there but think I feel the wheels starting to turn again, slowly. It's just the further you go in learning about yourself, the more painful it is when you stall. As I think I've posted before, when you open the lid to the Feelings Box, you don't get to pick and choose which you'll take and which you won't. They're a package deal. Sometimes the pain feels overwhelming but that's what makes the joy so keen, no?

Ahhh, being human.


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